Apparently BP doesn't really care about actually fixing the leaking pipe. Rather, it cares about more important things like its public image and what to do with the skimmed oil. Here are the top 5 most likely solutions that I can imagine:

1. James Cameron - Seriously, why is he brainstorming solutions? What's he going to do, use CGI?

2.  This Dude from New York - Sure, he's not an engineer, but he's done some plumbing around the house. And he shops at Ace Hardware!

3.  Duct Tape and Big League Chew - What can't it fix?

4.  Photoshop CS5 Content Aware Feature - We just need someone who is actually good at Photoshop.

(Before)

(After - And the Gulf has a new island because of it!)

5.  Bounty Paper Towels - The Quilted Quicker Picker Upper...from Bounty!